Exhaling the fear of the unknown and breathing in possibility.
I don’t really like surprises. Since I was a kid, if I wanted to know how my book turned out I would read the last few pages. If I wanted to know the ending of a movie, I would ask someone who watched it before me. I don’t like surprises. What I really like is being prepared. I like knowing what is going to happen, so I don’t get blindsided in the process.
Would you rather be preparing for the worst your whole life - or preparing for the best life you can possibly live?
There are always curveballs coming our way in life and the more I can contain the future in my head the more comfortable I feel. I don’t think there was a time in my life where I didn’t struggle at least a little bit with anxiety and the fear of the unknown. It’s common for kids to be scared of the dark but I wasn’t afraid of that. I was afraid of the special type of monsters that come out in the dark.
I have always had a hard time separating my dreams from what happens when I’m awake. When I was a child, I had a terrifying dream that a monster, the “Tickle Monster”, came out of my closet when the coast was finally clear (aka when it was dark enough) and came over my crib to tickle me to death. This dream was so vivid that to this day I question whether it was real. He was probably about six foot five and the most harry creature you could imagine (I would bet the hair helps with his tickling abilities). Of course, I know it’s illogical to still believe that this could have happened, but I still make sure the closet is tightly closed every night. The gaps in the ajar closet doors would just be “too spooky” for me to sleep.
There are other dreams that have had me waking up with a changed perspective on certain people and things. For one, when I was in middle school, I had a dream that I was dead. It wasn’t necessarily a nightmare because I wasn’t completely panicked out of my mind. I just remember being on my street- well more above my street, floating above a light pole. I was looking down on my street from above like an angel and reminiscing on things that happened in life. It wasn’t until I saw someone I love come out of my house and walk down the street that fear crept into my mind. I started to call to them, and they carried on like they couldn’t hear me. I flew towards them, but much to my newfound power’s dismay, I couldn’t fly that close to the ground. There were forces in my dream that separated the plane I was on from the one of my loved one. I woke up with tears in my eyes and a strong desire to spend more time with my family. It petrified me to think that I couldn’t show them how much I loved them in my dream. To this day, I think that is why I say I love you at the end of every phone call and give hugs every time I leave the house.
Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing and really take over your thoughts. But what good is that fear in your brain if you can’t do anything about it. Sure, I make sure the people I love know how much I love them but after that, what? Do I sit around and worry what might happen to us all? That seems like a waste of time if it’s not in my control. It’s the same concept as devoting time to something that isn’t productive, and you hate to do - what’s the point? Would you give someone moments of your day if nothing good will come from it - on top of you not wanting to? Probably not. You would do things you want to do that will have an outcome you will enjoy and see people you like and love. We spent so much time worrying when if you think about that - isn’t that the same as devoting time to someone you don’t remotely like. We would show that person the door - so why don’t we show worrying the door too? I know it’s easier said than done to just stop worrying altogether, but why not try?
The next time you get worried about something ask yourself these questions: Can I control this situation? Will any good come out of my thinking so much about this? If I could stop right this instant, would I? Most likely you cannot control what you are worrying about because otherwise your energy would be spent doing not worrying. Therefore, try your best to put that energy doing something you love or someone you love. I don’t know if my worrying has ever had a good outcome. So, remember no good can come from you worrying about something you can’t control. Try to think of it this way: worrying is passive - which means you are not doing anything active and productive. There is no such thing as “actively worrying” because the word active itself means “engaging or ready to engage in physically energetic pursuits.” You are not actually doing anything to prepare for what you are worried about, so you are simply wasting your time. And why would you waste any of your precious time? So, stop insisting that worrying about something will somehow prepare you for the worst.
Would you rather be preparing for the worst your whole life - or preparing for the best life you can possibly live? I know I would rather prepare for the best life I could imagine for myself. I would rather use my brain to do more productive things like learn a new skill, have an enlightening conversation with a stranger and dream up the best day I could have. That seems like a better use of my time, and I know it’s a better use of yours.
I hope this helps you breathe today and remember that it can be the best day you’ve ever had. Who knows what wonders the day will hold!
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