I haven't worn makeup in almost 6 months and today I put it on for the first time.
Growing up, I was taught that girls wear makeup when they want to feel pretty. It was a way to enhance your features without "covering them up." Beauty commercials told me that in order for a woman to feel beautiful, she would have to be wearing makeup. And not just a little bit of mascara, but full coverage, with foundation, lipstick, eyeshadow and so much more. In the commercials, this woman was untouchable, irresistible, and completely in control. She knew her worth because she was beautiful and desirable.
As a little girl I looked at makeup like it was a type of adult magic that could transform even the plainest of people into something entirely new. I still sort of think that is true, but I no longer believe makeup creates beauty. If anything, it enhances the beauty that is already painted within your features. The photo below is one of my best friends Savanna (Left) and me (right) with our faces transformed for the characters we were playing.
I remember the first couple of times I put on makeup. I looked in the mirror and was surprised at how beautiful I looked. I was just a child playing with something I didn't yet understand. But the fact that I thought I looked more beautiful with it on, is a testament to how young you are when societal norms start to sink in.
I wasn't fully allowed to start wearing makeup until I was in middle school, and even then, it wasn't every day. I still remember how excited I was when I was able to wear it. It made my face look somehow bolder, brighter and yet completely the same. I didn't realize at the time that wearing makeup was something that would puzzle me for the rest of my life.
I was lucky as a kid to have a big sister who loved to do my makeup. She became the makeup artist on call for all of her friends and family. I remember always thinking I looked beautiful whenever she painted my face. One of my favorite times she did my makeup was for the eighth-grade dance. I remember looking at myself in the mirror after she was done and feeling shocked with how gorgeous I looked. I couldn't believe it was my face looking back at me in the mirror.
There was a feeling I never quite shook after starting to wear makeup. It was almost like with makeup on, you were that girl in the commercials that no one could touch. You were beautiful, and with that, extremely confident.
I wore makeup for the majority of the time in high school and looking back on it I really would have been better if I wore less. I never struggled with acne and I had near perfect skin. It would have been to my benefit to not wear it. But regardless of my complexion, makeup was not needed. Yet, I still felt like I needed it to be beautiful and put together.
I was lucky to have people in my life that told me I didn't need to wear makeup. Regardless, I would have loved to see more role models out in the world who didn't wear it. It doesn't help that women not wearing makeup were commonly thought of as not put together and every woman you saw in the media was perfectly dolled up.
I didn't realize until I got to college that makeup wasn't what I needed to feel confident. What I really needed was to know and trust that I was beautiful, just as I am. And with that love for myself, confidence would come. It's like when Mark Darcy tells Bridget Jones "I like you very much. Just as you are." We all need to find that love within ourselves, for ourselves. Loving who we are is the first step to feeling the most beautiful.
I remember being so surprised with how many people at my community college didn't wear makeup compared to the students at my high school. It fascinated me how different this world was. The woman here were more real and confident than I had ever seen.
As I got older, the more I began to realize what made me feel beautiful and it had nothing to do with makeup. It had to do with exercise, skincare, and making time for yourself and the people you loved. It turns out the more beautiful you feel on the inside, the more beautiful you will feel on the outside too. I began to really love myself and with that relied less on what I looked like on the outside.
My senior year of college I rarely wore makeup. It was hard to get to that point though, as I didn't realize how much I relied on it to feel put together. When I first started to wear less makeup, I liked how much more I could see my face. And from here, I started to only wear it if I felt like it would be a fun thing to do.
I loved not wearing makeup. I liked being able to look in the mirror and have nothing but my clear face staring back at me. I also liked how much later I could sleep in or how much more I could do in the morning before I had to be somewhere. It was crazy how much time my beauty routine had taken me in the past, but I had come to a point of clarity.
Flash forward to today, I had a Zoom interview for an Internship I applied to on LinkedIn. I hadn't worn makeup in nearly six months. I didn't need to. I didn't want to. Sure, there were some days I thought about putting some on, but I ultimately decided against it. Today, I cracked. There was a voice, that as much as I tried to silence, was still there. It told me that in order to be seen as put together and beautiful I needed to wear makeup.
As much as I try to silence that voice and tell it that I am beautiful and put together without makeup, I'm not sure it will ever leave. I can hush it for six months out of the year apparently, but not forever. I wish this idea would go away. I wish that we raised young girls with the idea that they are the most beautiful versions of themselves when their faces are clean and unmarked.
After putting on makeup for my interview I couldn't help but think I didn't look like myself. The reflection in the mirror looked so alien. As soon as my interview ended, I washed off the makeup and couldn't be happier to see my clean, tired face in the mirror. Yes, I had bags under my eyes and a few noticeable blemishes from stress, but at least I was completely myself with nothing to hide.
I am in no way saying that you don't love yourself if you wear makeup, or even that you shouldn't wear makeup. I am only saying that you should love your face with or without adding anything to it that is outside of yourself. And purely stating the importance of knowing your worth and loving who you are.
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